What dangers are concealed in itself by the first love?

Who from us did not test in the life special experiences concerning the first love when at the sight of the originator of our experiences grasped spirit, feet gave away, hands and a forehead sweated. When it would be desirable to see, hear and be constantly near to object of our lamentations. A bad dream, appetite and mood if there was no reciprocity and on the contrary – the cheerful mood, the raised work capacity and desire of all to embrace and kiss if these feelings found the response at the favourite person.

From the point of view of the psychology, the first love is first present personal test for the person. How the person will worry the period of the first love, definitive "completion" of its person depends. The matter is that each of us lives in a society in which living conditions and behaviour in a society are stipulated, we would not be in what quality. The child knows as it to behave, the student knows, on what its progress depends, adults know that it is necessary to do, that the family was as it should be. And here at the first love, you should solve how to arrive, you to yourself both the student and the examiner. Here there are no registered rules, anybody did not learn to it, and it is impossible to register rules for enamoured as the first love sets to the person absolutely free scale of its person. Here you not so successful pupil, not the careful father, not a good companion or the attentive husband, here you reveal in the relation to other person – such what you are.

Having this feeling, nobody thinks of what apartment at the elect, what its status in a society, it goes by what car, whether there is a summer residence and whether parents are rich. It at the first love excites nobody. This feeling romantic, light and the purest. And it is necessary to concern this feeling very seriously as, I will repeat, this serious test for the person which can not only break all plans, but also break the most enamoured. To break it internally.

But that the most interesting in it, it that the present first love is a rarity. Present, instead of that was with all of us in a kindergarten, at school or institute. Among us it is a lot of those who did not worry the present first love, but there are also those who could not stop loving that girl or that boy from the remote past.

Psychologists consider that the first love should be finished. After it is possible to recollect it and it is necessary to recollect – either with a smile, or with light grief as it is pleasant to whom, but to grieve for it, and furthermore to come back to former relations is means to doom itself to an intolerable pain.

Yes, it is possible to recollect all life the first love, to grieve for it, then to meet – and to feel huge disappointment behind which the simplification, as you different people will come, you any more those young young man and the girl and such you already never will be. But at times, if to grieve about the first love and casually to meet her in the street – it is possible to steep again in this feeling and to forget about all on light. Such enamoured leave the families, children and enjoy what so thirsted for all these years. The families, the crippled destinies as a result break up, children remain without parents. Also what as a result? There comes an enlightenment more often - in due course and the person comes back from a fairy tale in a reality, realising that that has left, it is impossible to return, pulls in a family, starts to torment conscience, a sense of guilt.
Understand: the first love is an irrational, psychological event. But not the vital. It is impossible to enter twice into the same river. Going on a meeting with the first love, we perceive it in advance as 16-20 the girl, or the young man. But as a result – before us absolutely other person who can strongly lose to our present partner in life.

What promotes "jamming" on the first love? One of factors – unsuccessful marriage. To regret for the missed possibilities the person who does not receive to the full in what requires now the life can. The imagination thus joins and the person draws to itself a picture in which he with the first love lives long and happily.

The second factor – structure of the person which is inclined to bifurcation of feelings. On the one hand there is a love to the present spouse, and in a head any possible variants are scrolled. Here again, if possibility, and furthermore that which is connected with such strong feelings the person not in forces to resist is given.

The third factor is it is peculiar to people with нарциссическими bents which very much love itself. The self-ecstasy, admiration of self does not allow to forget about that time when there was so much admiration, so much pleasant and gentle words have been told from outside favourite. But the most important factor are people, a special category of people for whom psychologically there is no time – neither the present, nor the future, the past any, except time "always". These people perceive everything that occurred, the relation and people, as a part of the life now in spite of the fact that has taken place a lot of time that circumstances have changed what to return anything it is impossible. For them – the first love – mine and only mine. And not simply was when that, and is and always will be.

But the most terrible happens not when people jam on the first love and when they had no this feeling at young age. And here, having lived till forty years and more, they fall in love for the first time. It is accident, in spite of the fact that love – fine feeling which bears in itself so much positive emotions and creative effect. All the matter is that by this time, as a rule, at people it was already died, there are families, work, everything that is necessary for a happy life. And suddenly … the feeling which all changes comes, all overturns in a life upside down. And already without it is other, favourite person a life it is not meaningful. In it danger of overdue love. The first love which does not ask when to it to appear, but comes when to it will take in head and always finds us unprepared. And behaviour rules at the first love are not registered anywhere. Here also it is necessary to maintain it, probably, the first serious test of the person most, relying any more on experience and reason, and on those feelings, to constrain which not in forces.

I wish all to stand in similar tests both to leave with honour and to remain with love. With the first love and for ever.

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